I tell people all the time that I am still learning and growing every day in my life too. It doesn't matter how much a person understands what is sitting on the other side. How the Universe works, what our soul families jobs are, a person can still get tripped up.
I have worked very hard over the last two decades to become not only a different person than I was growing up but also to learn what is required in our lives to manifest an amazing life. For the most part I have a pretty good understanding but yes even for me the odd "trigger" pops up leaving me to feel like I have learnt and achieved nothing.
I ask myself if anyone else has ever felt that and the reality is they must have. Not because I am special and people should fallow at all but because I have learnt the rule of thumb that if you feel it, millions of others do too.
I go through times in my life where I question everything. Wonder if I am on the right page, does what I am doing make any sense or for that matter any difference. IT is true, I go through the questions too but for the most part that is when I am feeling sorry for myself. Honesty needed in my opinion. However this weekend, well that wasn't what happened.
I have not seen my parents best friends in I would have to say 20 years. I was trying to calculate before I started writing and the last time I seen them was at my sisters wedding. I was sixteen and I am now Thirty Nine.
At 16 I was a wreck. Hell truth be told at every age I was a wreck but especially when I decided to throw any security out of the window and run away from home.
Needless to say the last time Gary and Cheryl seen me ( my moms and dads best friends) I was someone even I would not have wanted to know. I lied, talked all the time, felt like I had something to prove, all around annoying to say the least.
With the TV show filming and all of the successes that I have reached in the last 15 years, my mom and dad were pretty excited to share with them all about me. And well naturally I wanted to see people I have not seen in years. Who knew what it would do to me.
There is no exaggeration for me to tell you that the moment I walked into my parents house to see them, I became 16 again. Now that would be great if my ass tightened and my legs looked great again with a flat tummy, but nope. No instead I was a 16 year old punk ass teenager with my head screwed right up, stuck in Kjarlune Rae, Canada's Top Clairvoyants body. WHAT THE HELL!
Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Even though I know that we can't guarantee we have gotten over everything in our lives I discovered that their is a big chunk of my past that still holds on.
I walked out of my parents house a half hour later and by the time I got home I was mad at myself, overwhelmed and in tears. How could I let something so minor become such a big deal. How could I let the emotions of a child come back to haunt me as a grown up. How did I let it happen.
Here is what I learnt. No matter how much growth you have done in your life. No matter how great you make your life taking one step forward at a time. Until you have been faced with something you do not realize what kind of work you might still need.
Life is a uphill struggle, I would love to tell you it isn't but I would be lying. I discovered again this weekend that even when your life is going amazingly things can still jump up and bite you. Triggers are still just that triggers and there is no way you can face them until you are in a position to notice them.
Don't misunderstand me life is also unbelievably amazing. It is everything you want it to be and then some if you allow it. That doesn't mean you stop learning. It doesn't mean you don't make mistakes. It means that the better you are doing with your life the easier it is to notice when you hit a bump in the road.
Feeling guilty or beating yourself up is a waist of time. It gets nothing accomplished other than making you feel like shit.
So when you find yourself in a situation that you would give anything to not be effected but you are, remember, you are only human, and every action and reaction you have stems from a line of triggers. When you notice, let the emotion go and work on the trigger.
Because this weekend I found out that I am still that little girl who gets overwhelmed and doesn't always find herself feeling safe and secure in who she is, but I am also a strong confident woman who lived through the pain and can come around the other side knowing she can do anything.
There is positive in anything and everything if you just allow yourself the opportunity to see it, live it and feel it.
LOVE MY LIFE. and best of all, they aren't my friends so at the end of the day. What do I care who they think I am? I know who I am and so do you, never give up on your dreams or let go of the fight because you get thrown down a little. That makes the future so much more appealing...
love my life.
