ASK KJ: Free yourself

ASK KJ: Free yourself: "The first thing we should register about being a human is we can guarantee to ourselves that we make mistakes. Some of our mistakes are sm..."

Free yourself

The first thing we should register about being a human is we can guarantee to ourselves that we make mistakes.

Some of our mistakes are small like wearing white after labour day, but for the most part they are usually, at the time that we make them earth shattering. Things will never be the same kind of mistakes.

We create these vicious cycles of beating ourselves up and feeling like we are not good enough. Then because of our constant rant of not being good enough we fear admitting our mistakes to ourselves because we think that admitting our flaws means we are less worthy.

Here is the thing we don’t realize but should. A cycle is doing things over and over. Mistakes are lessons where the intention is that we learn and become stronger in our lives. It is only a mistake when we allow it to become a cycle by not facing it.

Admitting to ourselves and accepting our flaws and our struggles is actually a strength builder. It will build your self worth.

There is not a person anywhere that does not screw up on occasion. No I need to fix that. There is not one person that does not screw up all the time. It makes us who we are. It gives us the life we are living and if we can pull our heads out of our asses once in awhile it can also improve the life we are already creating.

Being accountable to ourselves means understanding ourselves completely. It means we can accept ourselves freely and it also allows us the ability to forgive ourselves and possibly those around us.

Free yourself by being honest. Look in the mirror and tell yourself a true story.

Give yourself some much needed credit because as much as you make mistakes. You also fix and or survive them and we both know that takes a lot of talent.

Love your life, because it is yours. Because no matter what you want or need, you have the ability to do it.

If there is a chance you don't know what mistakes your making don't beat yourself up, think of seeing someone like me who can help. Love Your Life....

bookwithkj@shaw.ca 

askkj.ca 

ASK KJ: Relationship therapy every man wants his woman to ...

ASK KJ: Relationship therapy every man wants his woman to ...: "This is intended to be one of those. OMG this is so true it is funny blogs. There is swearing and sexual content. If you think you will tak..."

Relationship therapy every man wants his woman to know! (sexually graphic) you are warned.No prudes allowed!

This is intended to be one of those. OMG this is so true it is funny blogs. There is swearing and sexual content. If you think you will take it personal, don’t read!

Message to the men, if your woman listens to this blog, you will be very happy indeed. So get her to read it.

Ladies, first I need to start out with we are never wrong! 

At first any man reading this thinks to himself. "Oh, hell no my wife is not reading this crap." Trust me guys you will be happy.

I am often asked to "help out" in relationship issues, and as you can imagine twenty years as a Clairvoyant has taught me a thing or two about marriage, relationships and how things work.

What I have not learnt in the field, my lovely husband and twin soul has been more than happy to teach me. Usually he is on the losing end, but has taught me never the less.

The biggest issue in relationships is COMMUNICATION, we have heard it a million times, but we have not necessarily understood the huge difference between how men communicate and show love and how women do.

In arguments typically the woman is being irrational. (See guys told you this would be ok.)

We know women need attention, and men need to be needed, blah blah blah.

We know women are emotional and men logical, blah blah blah, but there is reasons why there are sayings out there like ,and at no point does this show how I feel about women or men, just for the record. GRIN.

 "Bitches be crazy" or "Time of the month Hon?" or how about "Trying to get your bitch on dear?" 

Don't get me wrong, men can be jerks, assholes, cold, without feeling, think of only themselves. etc but unless you are in a relationship with a selfish man, which does happen. A man who cares about nothing, but himself,this blog won't help you but I know great lawyers.

 A "normal" guy turns into the jerk because they have closed off their hearing. They don't want to listen anymore!

 Men are simple creatures they hear it once and whether they choose to agree or not they have a get it so get over it theory. Where as we women need to be heard!

What type of acknowledgment do we require you ask? That you listen closely and tell us we are right. Basically what I am saying is that on occasion we need the impossible.

When things do not work out this way guess what happens? Be nice guys! Yes, we go a smidgen crazy and the fight begins.

 Ladies you may not know this, and I hate to be the barer of bad news here but we are so caught up on being safe and secure that we need control, we need to know everything and we for the most part do not trust easily! Also important to know you come by it honestly because your moms are the same way.

Now don't misunderstand me and get your huff on, obviously there is so much more at stake, after all we have certain personalities that change somewhat how we react but this usually equates to what we fight about not necessarily how we ladies fight. 

We don't fight fair! We are right, they are wrong, and eventually someone has to cave or it will become a knock down drag out bitch on wheels fight.

It is true there are times when a fight is required but for the most part, fights are about needing to be right and wanting things done the way we believe they should be. 

Once we have exhausted all ability to get the guy to see things our way, we calm down and discover that there is a possibility we might have been unfair, or wrong. In which case the problem arises that if we admit we were wrong, the guy will use it against us at a later date. So that is not an option!

What does this mean? Time for a covert operation ladies.

Recap. Ladies are controlling and men don't listen.

Girls, there is simple solutions to ensure you do not have to admit defeat, not only that you will leave him believing he has chosen a goddess to spend his life with.

Guys, you are so welcome.

Here is three options for how to not admit you are wrong but keep your man happy and sometimes even get him to apologize to you even though he wasn’t wrong.

1)     Find out exactly when he going to be home....make sure the kids are either in bed or gone and be standing by the front door NAKED with HIGH HEELS or in a SEXY NEXT TO NOTHING NUMBER. and repeat after me.

“oh my god baby I need you right here right now!” 

You are in a relationship and your best communication is sexual. It is the truth. You need to be loved, let them show you they love you. You need to be the most important thing, let them show you that you are. 

Men are simple and they show their emotions through their body. The bonus here is they will be so turned on they won't give a shit who started what. You will get amazing mind blowing sex and they will decide you are FUCKING PERFECT! 

2) As they walk through the door, drop to your knees and          blow their brains.

LOL I am killing myself laughing as I am writing picturing the look on people’s faces as you read me telling you to give your spouse HEAD! In all fairness, it is an amazing way to catch your mans attention.

Not to mention. He will believe he has won the lottery. This option will give you at least a week of getting what you want when you want it and should be used even when not fighting for effective getting what I want manoeuvring

Don’t you love a little it is all about me time? I do.

(I am a clairvoyant and have been a sex therapist to more than one couple.) 

3) Tell them you were wrong and you are so sorry and will never do it again. This one sucks and will leave you open to him bitching you out for a change. Telling you he can’t take this crap anymore and if it continues he may not want to be in this relationship anymore.

It will be his turn to make you pay.

SEE WHY I HAVE given you 1 and 2 as your options????? 

Here is the facts. You will get a lot further with your man if you LOVE HIM. The best making up is make up sex. After the sex he will tell you how much he loves you and did not mean to hurt you because ladies he does love you. He puts up with your crazy often, remember that. 

If he knows you will be happy and he will get lucky he will do anything he can for you because he loves you and intimacy is how he shows it!

If you want him to hear you, to really listen, don't do it after a day at work with kids running around or a game or movie being watched. Make love in the afternoon or way before bed and after curl up and talk! He will listen.

Now last but not least, just some tips to keep you and your man HAPPY. Life together is about quality not quantity and we often forget that while making money, raising children, keeping everyone happy that we miss out on or put our lovers, best friends and spouses on the back burner. 

Life is about the Journey not the destination: 

Now tips to keep your man happy!

1 Book a hotel room close to his work, call him with a code to give the front desk on his lunch hour. When he walks into the room be naked or in slinky on the bed with fruit beside you. Best lunch you will have ever had!

2 Tell him your fantasies, and let him make them reality for you.

3 Give both of you each a day off from life.

One day where he isn’t a husband or a dad, no cheating or anything just 24 hours to do whatever he wants.

Sleep in walk around in underwear, play in his garage or games for 24 hours.. His day and request and do the same for you. Just not the same day.

4 Leave suggestive/loving notes for him to find.

Fill both of your needs here. Eg: Baby, I love you so much I can hardly wait to get you back in bed. P.S. I am not wearing any panties today and you need to take out the garbage. See you when you get home.

5 Send a sex text while at work. (get creative, even send a naked pic, he won’t let anyone else see it. THIS IS IMPORTANT SO READ CLOSELY. DO NOT SAY I DON'T LIKE MY BODY SO I CAN'T...REMEMBER HE IS THE ONE LOOKING AT YOU NOT YOU. BE FAIR TO HIM. STOP TELLING HIM HE SHOULDN'T BE ATTRACTED.

6 Give him a day where you will do anything he wants you to do with him and the same for you.

7 Sex slave days!

8 Buy a wig and be a different person for one night.

(My favourite thing is perfect stranger, use your imagination to figure it out)

9 Order pizza, buy some beer and eat and drink in bed.

10 No kids? Naked Day! The whole day together naked!

11 Dinner and a movie… Get home both jump in pj’s order Chinese and curl up legs entwined watching a movie he wants to watch. Then another night make it a chic flick.

Make your moments even if they are few and far between count.

Go back to the first place you ever dated and instead of telling him how he makes you feel, park somewhere and show him.

Be young again, not always about the kids, and the bills and the job. Sometimes it just needs to be about a man and a woman. Make your relationship count.

If you aren’t married and you try these tricks, trust me the ring is going to be gorgeous and if you are married and you do this, we will worship you and make all your friends jealous.

Great sex, good communication and love is the key to a fantastic marriage.

On a serious note, if you are struggling in your marriage a clairvoyant can help. Bring me your problem and we will fix it.  

ASK KJ: The Mistress always gets the shaft. Story time wit...

ASK KJ: The Mistress always gets the shaft. Story time wit...: "And I mean that in every possible way! LMAO The things I learn from clients right? After 20 years of doing readings and being held in the..."

The Mistress always gets the shaft. Story time with KJ

And I mean that in every possible way! LMAO


The things I learn from clients right? After 20 years of doing readings and being held in the strictest of confidentiality one sits back and registers that I have seen it all.

I have more than once been approached by every situation one could possibly and for the most part not possibly imagine could take place in the realm of real and off the wall life choices.

I have dealt with fetishes, and could write a book. Relationships of every kind imaginable and could write about 20 books on how they fail alone. I have worked with insest, polygamy, multiple partners, swingers, cross dressing, hidden fantasies, beastiality, (No I am not kidding) single, desperate, arranged marriage, bought brides, every culture there is, in laws from hell, I have even dealt with a situation where a couple had no idea that they were adopted out siblings. Yes I am so telling the truth here. This is only a tip of the ice burg in what I have dealt with and I have only given a smidgen of an idea based on our personal lives alone.

The stories I will bit by bit share...But for now this is my rant.

It floors me professionally and personally that the Mistress always gets the shaft. Don't misunderstand me for a second, I have no desire to have to deal with one as my husband would be a very unhappy man in deed, but in my professorial life I have to tell you I have not come across one woman who has ended up as the mistress who didn't try not to be. It is always her fault. "You destroyed a marriage. How could you? Who do you think you are? He was taken. You are a whore. It is all her fault." You are kidding me right?

I am just going to be a bit of a non conformist here when I say....HE MADE THE CHOICE! the cheater is the married one my lovelies. The louse is the one with the family. The snake is the one who cannot get our of their marriage before bringing another partner into it. Yet in my career I have seen too many times they are forgiven. Oh I understand mortgages and children and all that. I have those too. I even completely understand that no one wants their lives to change and I give the one forgiving the credit I really do you are better women than me that is for sure.

But here are the facts. The Mistress is not responsible for the family, the break up, the hurt. She is suffering too, trust me. I have watched one to many amazing women fall to pieces because she ended up the other woman somehow.

Think for a second, and before anyone says to me what about the guys that get cheated on, I have a whole other blog I will post about that. But think for just a moment.

How many times have you gotten into a relationship and believed everything you were told? Especially about your guys ex? Everything about his past and without ever speaking to the other party from the past you see her as a bitch! A skank who messed with the man you now love! Never registering in your head there is always three sides your theirs and the reality.

Men are always so honest right? Come on now, you know what I am saying. They never lie, never talk to other women, never tell you how amazing you look when in reality they are thinking your ass should have a wide load sign attached. "Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?...No love, you are just as hot as when I married you, even after 4 kids and the chocolate of the day club. Trust me you look amazing in neon green."

Now think for a moment how many times have you gotten sucked in by someone you didn't think you would be attracted too, or done things you never thought you would do for a man because he convinced you too. Now do not misunderstand...I have to say this before my husband and my best friend lynch me for being on a hating man tyrant. I love men. I just accept they are the weaker species. (Grin) kidding.. How many times have you fallen for what you have been told. Made decisions against your better judgement. Had love lead you down the wrong path??

I can say with complete honesty that every mistress I have ever met, every other woman because  I hate the word mistress has needed love and the men have given it. I am not going to presume to say that there is not conniving women out there. Nor am I telling you that you don't need to watch that new female assistant with the fake boobs who just got hired. But the manipulative woman will at the end get theirs. Because the ones that end up getting your man, will be stuck with him and you and I know that is not always the best thing. Sometimes the other woman even does you a favor. However that is a rare bread believe it or not..Try remember once a cheater always a cheater.

Most of the time, the other woman are friends of ours. They are regular loving girls who gets sucked into the lies and mis beliefs that have been given because they have no self worth. They are not the reason nor are they the blame, they are sitting at home crying their eyes out, wishing they could find a way to stop seeing him. There are some that even leave the Province yet can't get far enough away. The other woman for the most part is a victim just like the wife.

This does not mean all men cheat, nor does it mean all women are saints. It means that we need to learn to understand the situations before we cast the rock throwing. There is always reasons for why things happen, Mistresses included. So for those of you that are my clients. I understand, and you have nothing to feel ashamed for. You are not making their choices. Stand tall and proud and do what you can to get out of this unhealthy relationship, because you deserve to have a man all to yourself too and if you met him while he was still with someone else, trust me no matter what the Universe says. You deserve better.


Shocking truth it is not always the womans fault.

KJ