Oh what a day!
I am sure there is more important things to do right now than hear about my day, but it was the worst. Most amazing day I have had in a long time. Being so close to Christmas I feel like it all happened for a reason and was life altering for me. Isn’t at the end of the day that a big part of the Christmas season. It was more a day of forgiveness for me if that makes any sense and it is also a day I feel the need to share.
I have been suffering for over a week now with the tremendous back pain. Over the last 2 days I have been in so much pain I have barely been able to walk and have not been able to work. A stress this close to the season not wanting to let down any clients.
Anyways, I went to a Chiropractor for the first time in my life yesterday and today it seemed believe it or not worse. Scary as I have never been to one before.
Today the day before all my family traditions start. Pie making, food preparing, shopping for food, making sure all the stocking were done being stuffed, you know all the last minute holy shit Christmas moments.
None of this really matters other than to tell you that hardly being able to walk and lots of shopping to do left me with one option. A shopping scooter throughout Wal-Mart. Some maybe thinking what is the problem, so let me explain. I am 39 years old, 350 pounds. I cannot believe I just wrote that….. What would you be thinking looking at a fat woman riding around in a scooter? Esp. middle aged….omg….fat person……holy shit…….
You would be thinking the same thing as I am not proud to say I would be thinking. Wow too fat to walk. Get some exercise that is gross. I am just being honest when I respond this way so no point taking it the wrong way.
Talk about a low moment in my life. I admit that I already know I have weight to loose, but to be that exposed is a very difficult thing to face. Needless to say if you would have seen me today with my head dropped low and my eyes looking at the ground, the isles, anywhere but people. Not really something most could imagine by someone as opinionated and outspokenly confident as I come across to be.
My husband I will say and my daughter Kailyn made it so much better for because the support was out of this world. Kailyn never left my side, never faltered for a minute. Looked at everyone in the eye and said Merry Christmas. I am so proud of her. Brian was so amazing too right with me the whole time, watching people, almost daring them to judge his wife. I am very lucky.
I should also say rather emotional and tense lately as I have recently quit smoking, or at least so far. I believe in an hour by an hour day by day thing here.
As I am scooting through out the store, at my lowest in a very long time, it hits my like a ton of bricks.
I did this to myself. We all do it to ourselves. Nobody has forced me to eat in the last 17 years. Plenty of time to get past that. Nobody stops me from eating properly and loosing weight but me. So I put myself here. I did this.
I have allowed myself to be in bad spots before and I have learnt to get past it. Learnt to grow and become stronger. My confidence started to grow as my acceptance did.
It is funny but when you take the time to realize why you are responsible for where your life is in every aspect. You actually get a feeling almost like you are being freed from that torment you have been living through.
I have dealt with way worse than this, and I have gotten over it, out of it, way past it. The only thing stopping my weight loss is me, the only thing griping out not smoking is my head and the only thing standing in the way of the life I want is ME!
Today became the worst/best day I have had in a long time. I no longer feel sorry for myself and that is how it works. Accept the responsibility is the only way to start.
So this for me is the best Christmas present ever and because of instant results. My back is better than it has been in days. I am sitting up on my bed typing. No cane, No feeling like I can’t move. The law of attraction, manifestation is an amazing thing. So well you are dreaming of sugar plums and lolly pops. I am going to be dreaming about Victoria secret outfits that fit. I will probably dream about my husband and Kailyn too, because lucky for me I manifested them too.
Love my life. Merry Christmas everyone.
